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killJOY

by Cameron London

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1.
LIFE of the party 03:08
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I said I'm cool off that Cool off that Cool off that Cool off that I said I'm cool off that that that I said I'm cool off I'm cool off that that that I said I'm said I'm cool, cool off that I said I'm cool off that All of my life I never been one for attention When I'm in the spotlight I fake it like I live it Work better in dark nights Similar to the villains You can't tell a dog bite Then turn around and kill it I'm spilling the blood of all my enemies Metaphorically I'm in love with solitude Keep your presence distant from me I'm appalled at accusations I heard that they speak on me Tell em set it free They bold out my vision Now let me see Why they wanna see me make the bottles pop Man they really wanna see me spark it up I started explaining but I had to stop Truthfully and honestly I had enough I'm not the life of parties So why they keep telling me to pull up to events Really started sounding like they lacking common sense I'mma tell you now so I don't have to again I said I'm cool off that Cool off that Cool off that Cool off that I said I'm cool off that that that I said I'm cool off I'm cool off that that that I said I'm said I'm cool, cool off that I said I'm cool off that My backpack rapping was slacking I'm tallying to a milli I'm passively moving pennies Enough to pay the bills Getting older ditched the thought of signing deals Made a label just to fund the dreams Now they feeling real The music don't make no money Funny that it's still here Disappear when anxiety start turning into fear Since they just wanna see the videos and the shows As opposed to planting a single rose for the flows Why they wanna see me make the bottles pop Man they really wanna see me spark it up I started explaining but I had to stop Truthfully and honestly I had enough I'm not the life of parties So why they keep telling me to pull up to events Really started sounding like they lacking common sense I'mma tell you now so I don't have to again Please let me make my decisions for me You do not know what is best for me How can you act like you did it for me Honestly sounding more selfish to me Please let me make my decisions for me You do not know what is best for me How can you act like you did it for me Honestly sounding more selfish to me Please let me make my decisions for me You do not know what is best for me How can you act like you did it for me Honestly sounding more selfish to me Please let me make my decisions for me You do not know what is best for me How can you act like you did it for me Honestly sounding more selfish to me
2.
killJOY 02:58
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I can't be myself when they eyes on me I can't get no help when the knives on me Maybe this is everything that I'm gone be I can't let them kill the joy inside of me People been all on my neck And they questioning every decision I make Honestly sounding like people I trusted are openly starting to hate Failure to failure I'm keeping my chin up but my heart been starting to break Music my solace from intrusive thinking It's feeling like I'll never shake You do not get it Mental disrupted My spirit was splinted My lyrics were printed In all of my books A reminder for every day I was tormented But now that I'm back I don't plan to leave I'm doing all that I can for me Finally know what I want to be Free of the shackles that haunted me I can't be myself when they eyes on me I can't get no help when the knives on me Maybe this is everything that I'm gone be I can't let them kill the joy inside of me Funny how I'm the blueprint But they don't wanna hear my two cents It's always some issue What's Cameron doing Just don't be surprised if I lose it That's not to mention my personal struggles with everything else on my plate Back to the studio Steering my focus from how I'm getting stood up on a date Still battle demons that don't let me move from the feeling that I was too late Imma be honest I hated the church cause I felt the connection was fake Support coming far in between but just know that I'm bout to do all that it takes Sad and I'm angry but also dismissive Cause most of the love, it was fake It's true that I'm bitter But I cannot be a quitter I try my best to remember the time So many songs, can't remember my lines My dedication been one of a kind My aspirations, no limit in mind My generation ain't new to the grind Most of these rappers talk more than they kids All disrespect cause you know what it is I can't be myself when they eyes on me I can't get no help when the knives on me Maybe this is everything that I'm gone be I can't let them kill the joy inside of me Killjoy Killjoy Killjoy Killjoy Killjoy Killjoy Killjoy Killjoy I can't let em kill it
3.
SELFish desires 03:12
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I still want more than this I still want more than this I want you all to myself But I'm in control of this I still want more than this I still want more than this That's my desire Am I strong enough to shoulder this, like I'm selfish Yeah, I know it's true I'm selfish, yeah But how bout you I'm selfish Yeah, I know it's true I'm selfish, yeah But so are you All of my wants All of my needs All of my lies All of my truths And all of my deeds Man, they been on my mind Had requests that I had to decline Feel like I'm a lazy boy So pardon me if I decide to recline Why do I seek the love for days Am I dropping the songs for plays My ulterior motives be having me questioning Every wrong I've made Like if she was my lemonade Then maybe I'm Jay Z Maybe it's crazy To think I control if the populace hate me Like all of this cancelling A part of our nature is fail and then turn it to growth Take a look deep inside of yourself You know you ain't perfect But we'll never know Cause you only gon show what you want us to see We don't know who you'd turn out to be If all of your selfishness Was on display for all to see I still want more than this I still want more than this I want you all to myself But I'm in control of this I still want more than this I still want more than this That's my desire Am I strong enough to shoulder this, like I'm selfish Yeah, I know it's true I'm selfish, yeah But how bout you I'm selfish Yeah, I know it's true I'm selfish, yeah But so are you Yeah I'm selfish with it Won't leave no guesses with it I'm trynna live life in abundance If God bless me with it Don't Johnny Test me Cause I been in the lab Is it selfish To plot on when I want to collab Then pick the best talent Then open the conversation And makes friends with the best artists From all across the nation Well that depends, what's my endgame It won't be no way home after my pen change This is a tragedy It's sad to see The history kept in my gallery I been collecting from every corner The coroner built a menagerie We all selfish and we have our own desires Just be mindful that one day it's gon expire I still want more than this I still want more than this I want you all to myself But I'm in control of this I still want more than this I still want more than this That's my desire Am I strong enough to shoulder this, like I'm selfish Yeah, I know it's true I'm selfish, yeah But how bout you I'm selfish Yeah, I know it's true I'm selfish, yeah But so are you
4.
t(I)eam 03:54
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Your life will change when all of the pride is slain We linked until we sever our bond of chains It's hard to change and still remain the same To grow just means to succumb to pain Is it pain in death, no The pain's in dying The pain is failing once you started trying The pain is smiling when inside you crying Refrain from checking when I know you lying My eyes don't blink My instincts think My heart gon sink From sneaky links And all that past stories never told You not a champ but your trophies gold Manipulations key to be the "I" Plot and scheme will you tell me why You kill dreams like you getting paid for it Built the team and now I gotta pay for it Knew you were here by my side And thought that you'd stay all my life Hurts but I guess that it's true Shoulda known it's what you do Cause there ain't no I in team Unless it's you There ain't no I in team Unless it's you To be a team means you need to trust Somethings missing when it comes to us You talk the talk but we don't discuss The actions taken that we must adjust I confess that I was afraid That our love was a part of your charade I was a guest but I overstayed You a player so you made a trade I was at peace alone I thought that we had grown Challenges happen but I never try to police the tone Now that the coop is flown Now that the truth is known The damage is permanent you won't admit that you in the wrong Yeah Shoulda saw it coming then You would step on anybody In the way when you trynna win Knew you were here by my side And thought that you'd stay all my life Hurts but I guess that it's true Shoulda known it's what you do Cause there ain't no I in team Unless it's you There ain't no I in team Unless it's you
5.
CHAIN gang 03:50
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Pardon me if this is cynical I know that this isn't my usual hype My patience is taking a flight Seeing the views that I'll never see Cause all that I ever see on the screen Is ignorant people with nothing to bring to me They telling me stop all that smiling I laugh in they face cause it don't mean a thing to me Wow Cam you gotta slow down People miserable They only goal is snatching your crown Late nights hear the ghosts of slaves chant in my town The price for my life getting bagged by the pound I miss the days When I was safe outside my home Turn on the news A couple kids aint make it home Due to rapists or the killers or our very own government Profits tied to crime so they never gonna govern it My speech impediment is that I don't tell lies A foreign language used to strip the wool from over your eyes It's funny no one know your name during the years that you tried But you a world wide star from the minute that you die Chains gon clink as long as eyes gotta blink Chains gon clink as long as minds gotta think Chains gon clink as long as rappers bleed ink And Earth need peace like black men need shrinks It's the truth Just a number to the man in the suit Just a number to the man in the suit Just a number to the man in the suit We just a number to them They back outside Like nothing's changed Blacked out rides When they snatching chains They take lives But they don't explain The cycle of hate They just fanning the flames You kill mine I kill yours You kill mine I kill yours You kill mine I kill yours You kill mine I kill yours How many people do they gotta kill At this point they don't wanna understand it Yeah The more you know the worse you gonna feel Some respect what I'm finally demanding Yeah How many people do they gotta kill At this point they don't wanna understand it Yeah The more you know the worse you gonna feel Some respect what I'm finally demanding Yeah Chains gon clink as long as eyes gotta blink Chains gon clink as long as minds gotta think Chains gon clink as long as rappers bleed ink And Earth need peace like black men need shrinks It's the truth Just a number to the man in the suit Just a number to the man in the suit Just a number to the man in the suit We just a number to them Chain chain go away Don't come back another day Chain chain go away Don't come back another day Chain chain go away Don't come back another day Chain chain go away Don't come back another day
6.
disCOURAGEd 02:50
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I just want to see If you can get it, get it right, get it right with me I got the ticket Take a flight, take a flight with me Don't be scared It's just one time We do this one time She told me I just want to see If you can get it, get it right, get it right with me I got the ticket Take a flight, take a flight with me Don't be scared It's just one time Just do this one time She got a way with words I sit back and observe She motivate or deprecate Her love be taking turns I gotta let it burn As I start to usher in the truth It's like I never learn my lesson When it comes to loving you I cannot settle down When you always seeking different crowns Feel like Will Gotta settle up with more than seven pounds Loud and proud of your faults without a motive to change But shame me for reservations of taking off in your plane I just want to see If you can get it, get it right, get it right with me I got the ticket Take a flight, take a flight with me Don't be scared It's just one time We do this one time She told me I just want to see If you can get it, get it right, get it right with me I got the ticket Take a flight, take a flight with me Don't be scared It's just one time Just do this one time Nobody pressing me Pray for the people unknowingly Adding more fuel to the flame People that's testing me, jesterly Don't entertain the words of a gossiping lame We are not one in the same Progressing, I'm destined I'm stamping my name on the game After I say this they probably gone hate me but But most of you suck cause you chasing the fame I gotta chain it's plain Don't wanna explain the name They targeting me Feel like I'm stuck in a web I told Mary Jane I'm sick of them bothering me Reading the comments online Been having me acting a little unconfidently Now that I'm back on your necks I'm not stopping I'm dropping and dropping it constantly How'd I let it make me switch up on my goals How'd I let it make me switch up on my roles Know I been on fire but they wanna see me cold My disco been stacking but they wanna see me fold How's it my fault that you dropping too slow If you worried bout yourself then maybe you'd grow I let the words of many men start discouraging me But now I'm focused on becoming who I wanted to be I just want to see If you can get it, get it right, get it right with me I got the ticket Take a flight, take a flight with me Don't be scared It's just one time We do this one time She told me I just want to see If you can get it, get it right, get it right with me I got the ticket Take a flight, take a flight with me Don't be scared It's just one time Just do this one time
7.
nEXt time 02:49
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Yeah you can pin it on me If it makes you feel better about yourself You looking for someone to blame It's me and it's you and it's nobody else I coulda sworn that I told myself I coulda sworn that I warned myself That love isn't in my equation I'm human It's times that I'm bored When I'm by myself Switched it up And patched relationships and made amends Why'd I think that it'd be better If I loved one of my friends That's a mix for disaster I don't want what's coming after this Decency and sympathy the price for me to caption this Next time I'll do this all on my own Next time I won't let you into my home Next time I'll be careful of who's more than friends Next time I won't let this happen again again again How many times can hearts break How many lives can love take How many lies How many tears How many tries does it take For me to learn my lesson I've been dreading my test How can you love somebody else When you, yourself, is depressed How can you say it lasts forever We don't live that long You said through thick and thin I guess you got your measurements wrong Is it my mind that's playing tricks Or was it you all along I guess we going back to the days Where we're both alone Next time I'll do this all on my own Next time I won't let you into my home Next time I'll be careful of who's more than friends Next time I won't let this happen again again again
8.
HOPEless 03:19
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This gonna happen whether I want it to or not If I can't avoid it then I know what can make it stop This gonna happen whether I want it to or not If I can't avoid it then I know what can make it stop This gonna happen whether I want it to or not If I can't avoid it then I know what can make it stop This gonna happen whether I want it to or not If I can't avoid it then I know what can make it stop It's poetic The way that my justice lacks You Janet jacked A sliver of my faith in life If you slither like a snake I'll assume you bite The hand that feeds you love Does it make it right For me to give up when the times are difficult When the words are just that And arguments trivial Hopelessness is not in my nature I move with a plan on the scope of glaciers Not too many matching with the energy I be on I been heating up you'd think I'm running out of Freon They don't understand it so they treat me like a peon When it's said and done they gonna see me as a phenom Woah It's over so you know I gotta go You the type to tell I'm the type that let it show You'd end up in jail for the secrets that I know If you won't set me free then the whistle gotta blow This gonna happen whether I want it to or not If I can't avoid it then I know what can make it stop This gonna happen whether I want it to or not If I can't avoid it then I know what can make it stop This gonna happen whether I want it to or not If I can't avoid it then I know what can make it stop This gonna happen whether I want it to or not If I can't avoid it then I know what can make it stop You took everything I cared about Then you, pulled up and you aired it out They don't know you so they scared to doubt Thoughts changed, I can tell when you start to pout How you getting mad that your plan ain't work That you did it for your man but your man ain't worth Half the time that I wasted shoulda been imbursed Now you struggle knowing that you shoulda been here first I'm in my prime Words ain't enough so I started to sign Only two things that I put on the line My hopes and my dreams, cause I can't make time But, I'm realigned and I'm focused now When you did what you did I was hopeless, how I make my way back from the brink of death Deep breath, take a minute and trust yourself This gonna happen whether I want it to or not If I can't avoid it then I know what can make it stop This gonna happen whether I want it to or not If I can't avoid it then I know what can make it stop This gonna happen whether I want it to or not If I can't avoid it then I know what can make it stop This gonna happen whether I want it to or not If I can't avoid it then I know what can make it stop This gonna happen whether I want it to or not If I can't avoid it then I know what can make it stop This gonna happen whether I want it to or not If I can't avoid it then I know what can make it stop This gonna happen whether I want it to or not If I can't avoid it then I know what can make it stop This gonna happen whether I want it to or not If I can't avoid it, can't avoid it then make it stop
9.
sHELL of a man 04:00
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What I enjoyed in the past bring pain today It may look like I'm living life but it's not the case Look in the mirror I can't even see the smile on my face Know I been breaking think it's time to replace This shell of a man Shell of a man Shell of a man Shell of a man How can I look at myself and not notice the man that I'm starting to be Why do I lie to my mama and tell her I'm thinking bout branching my family tree I've been at peace all alone it's rare that I stop to let people get closer to me Working too hard, been paving a lane for myself It's the work that nobody will see We can agree All this is bigger than me Man it's bigger than 1033 I can not wallow in pity, I'm next And I don't care if the world disagree Man, I don't even care if it's me But I'm sparking the mind of the ones that'll change I keep on dropping consistently cause I'm avoiding remembering pain That left my brain stained Hard resetting it with a flow change Always carry proof of my failures in case my hopes aim Away from the trajectory that I wanna land Looked in the mirror and I only saw the shell of a man Because my arms stayed open The love been stolen My heart stayed frozen I'm feeling like they closing Cause my arms stayed open The love been stolen My heart stayed frozen As the shell of a man What I enjoyed in the past bring pain today It may look like I'm living life but it's not the case Look in the mirror I can't even see the smile on my face Know I been breaking think it's time to replace This shell of a man Shell of a man Shell of a man Shell of a man Am I me Or am I Just a personality Built from all of the years Of em back stabbing me Noticed that I don't hide from Where the cameras be My facade Did it's job Now it's just a better me I'm to the point where people die and I don't have no reaction Working on music the closest thing I get to satisfaction Even feel guilty about the people who I've been attracted My passion taxing no relaxing I don't know who I am But I still break bread And get taxed by Uncle Sam My thoughts, my feelings I just wanna get back to Cam Don't wanna be broke no more Don't wanna smile as a joke no more Don't wanna die all alone These days it feel like I don't have hope no more It's true What's a man to do I wrote down my goals And I only checked a few I stopped making wishes Since they never came true I don't know where I'm going Might as well enjoy the view What I enjoyed in the past bring pain today It may look like I'm living life but it's not the case Look in the mirror I can't even see the smile on my face Know I been breaking think it's time to replace This shell of a man Shell of a man Shell of a man Shell of a man Am I just the shell of a man Am I just the shell of a man Am I just the shell of a man Shell of a man that I used to be Stayed open Been stolen Stayed frozen They closing Stayed open Been stolen Stayed frozen They closing
10.
melancHOLY mélange 03:24
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Thank you God I'm glad to see another day I tried my best But couldn't find another way And I don't know if there's anything to say But I'm so thankful I'm so thankful Thank you God I'm glad to see another day I tried my best But couldn't find another way And I don't know if there's anything to say But I'm so thankful I'm so thankful It's been a minute since I stepped onto the stage of life Not too many get a second chance to make it right All this stressing something I been bringing on myself I was too busy trynna focus on the game of wealth But all that money still spend whether I'm living or gone Good things take time building similar to Rome Some say that's it's genetic, straight from the chromosomes Many try to make it out I'm trynna level up my home Been over the days of asking people for help It's unfortunate I'm used to making moves by myself That's not to say that I ain't grateful for my family every day Lost myself during the journey, but I found my own way Thank you God I'm glad to see another day I tried my best But couldn't find another way And I don't know if there's anything to say But I'm so thankful I'm so thankful Thank you God I'm glad to see another day I tried my best But couldn't find another way And I don't know if there's anything to say But I'm so thankful I'm so thankful How did little ole me get a blessing like this Feel like Lilo when she prayed and started stunting like stitch Call me David, you know I got Nani on my wish list Sister and my sis in law eating shrimp at Ruth's chris I know that I been reckless I know that I was helpless I know that God protect me from me During depression My goals linked to my lessons My wrongs changing directions My truth's for me alone But it's time for my confession From albums to the books to my very first film I'm so proud of my creations but you want me feeling grim If I'm fighting with my demons imma beat em like they HIM Know my soul stone worth more than any other gem Thank you God I'm glad to see another day I tried my best But couldn't find another way And I don't know if there's anything to say But I'm so thankful I'm so thankful Thank you God I'm glad to see another day I tried my best But couldn't find another way And I don't know if there's anything to say But I'm so thankful I'm so thankful

about

killJOY is both a concept and expression album with themes of joy, pain, understanding, & gratitude. There is a set meaning that I have behind every song. But there is meaning to be found from everyones unique perspectives.

credits

released September 9, 2021

All songs written & engineered by Cameron London
Recording Location: 1033 Studios

Track 1 produced by: Dylan Graham
Track 2 produced by: Nate Rhoads
Track 3 produced by: Dylan Graham
Track 4 produced by: Dylan Graham
Track 5 produced by: Dylan Graham
Track 6 produced by: Dylan Graham
Track 7 produced by: Dylan Graham
Track 8 produced by: D'Artizt
Track 9 produced by: D'Artizt
Track 10 produced by: Dylan Graham

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Cameron London Hampstead, North Carolina

Artist | Engineer | Founder of 1033 Records.

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